I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
