but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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