y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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