Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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