listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
