I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
