Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Welp...herpes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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