I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
