i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so let's talk penis.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
