Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
