so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize