I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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