You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
