Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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