she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
