ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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