So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
