Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
