I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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