problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
