He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
