i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunk is not a location!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
