When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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