I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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