guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
