im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
