Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
