dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
