I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
