I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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