By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
