My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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