she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
