the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How's work?
Spinning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
