i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
