Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
