we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
