So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
