I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize