I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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