3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
