maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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