The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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