I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
