On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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