overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
