Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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