but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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