I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
