i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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