I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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