If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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