I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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