So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
