tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
