ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize