my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize