we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
