dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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