matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
