I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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