I didn't shave. On purpose
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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