Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
