i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
