I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
