My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
