The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
