why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
