I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize