I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
