I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
