i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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