lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
