the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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