i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You are a genius and a whore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
