Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
