splinters make it hard to masturbate
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your penis caused this!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize