Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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