in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
