Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
