Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
