So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
