i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize