i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
