I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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