it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
