sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
