In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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