I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
