look no pants
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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