I want to have your abortion
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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