I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
