I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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