Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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