you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
