I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize