people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
