im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
