God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
